Am I Behind?

I have had writing another post for this site on my to-do list for several weeks.  I was traveling and then was busy with Thanksgiving and then Christmas.  In other words, more than a few excuses that don’t seem like real reasons.  Regardless of how I got here,  I ask now, “Am I behind ?”

Ultimately, my answer is “No.”

Here is my rationale –

There are two key reasons I’ve come up with.  One reason is I would only be behind on an arbitrary deadline set by me.  No one is holding me accountable.  It is only my own personal desire to keep moving forward and I am the one who determines how important this posting is.  No one else.  If I remove that mental obstacle of an arbitrary deadline, there is no reason for feeling guilty or feeling like I am “so far behind.”

The other reason I don’t think I’m behind is because I have also found my procrastination enlightening.  Remember the enthusiasm I showed for posting just a few short months ago?  I was thinking about new topics, observing life and writing topic ideas down in my journal and then I stopped posting coming up with excuses to not do it.  You wouldn’t know it, but I did have two postings started, but I didn’t finish them.  I’m not really sure why as I think the idea behind each one was pretty good, but I couldn’t do it.  And that’s my point of learning right now — why do I have a good idea (sometimes great even), start working on it and find it so hard to act on it, finish it or see it through?

I don’t have an answer on that one yet, but I know it is out of fear of some type.  I’m not sure if it because I am afraid people will think the idea is a terrible one or I’m afraid of failing or also a possibility, the fear of success.  Regardless of where my fear may be based, it is something I can work to improve upon if I acknowledge the fear and find ways to help myself focus.

That’s my next challenge for myself.  To continue to recognize areas where I’ve started things or had ideas, prioritize them, and by focusing on the important things in front of me, commit to seeing them through.  I may not do them all as quickly as I might like, but I am going to make them happen.  One at a time, with the required hard work and time needed, but I need to make them happen.  And this time, I am hoping that not only will I be holding myself accountable, others will encourage me so I feel accountable to them as well.

Is there anything you have been putting off that you wanted to do?  What’s holding you back?

Thank you my friends,

Steph

PS – AN UPDATE: The elephant mentioned in a previous post is starting to get a little smaller.  I can count on one hand the number of Diet Cokes I have had in the last 3 weeks and I have drastically reduced the junk food.  Nothing to celebrate quite yet in terms of milestones, but at least the elephant has made the ever important first step toward the door.